The Adventures of a Mary Sue in Newsie Land!
by Derby
Summary: *IMPORTANT!* It's probably one of those things i find funny in my head..bwah ha. Anyway, yes, Mary Sue (a.k.a Jewel Angel Kat) visits the Newsies. Who will win her love? Can M.S. save the newsies from certain death? Who will get bitten by a rabid senior?
1. Meet your friendly Mary Sue

Author's Note: *Cackles* This is what happens when you've been reading parody fics and eating Twinkies all day..muah ha ha! (Oh yeah, the beginning's sorta stupid, but it gets better believe meee!)  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned the Newsies, they would be locked in my closet, not in my imagination. Anyway, Jewel Angel Kat is mine (but you can have her if you want.. *shudders*)  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
The Adventures of a Mary-Sue in Newsie Land  
  
It was a dark and stormy afternoon in upper Manhattan. The thunder growled like a hungry lion (rawr!) and the gray clouds floated like fat men over the sky. The rain poured down in torrents, it was no day for a young girl to be walking by herself.  
  
Katarina Lolita Fandango-Winfrey De La Fleur walked through the rain on her way home from buying milk or something for her beloved mother. Kat loved her family dearly, her perfect family. Her mother was a supermodel/dancer/rich lady and her father was an actor/lawyer/rich guy, she was an only child and had everything you could ever ask for. Her house was a 20 story mansion, but Kat got 10 stories all to herself. They also had 14 tennis courts, 32 Porsches (which didn't exist back then but who cares, she's a mary sue!), 16 swimming pools and all the latest poofy- sleeved dresses from Paris.  
  
Kat opened the door and stepped inside.  
  
"Mother? Papa? I have the milk or something you asked for," She called "Mother? Papa?" No answer. Kat grabbed an umbrella and swung it around like a baseball bat. Something was wrong; she could feel it with her amazing ms.cleo-rivaling intuition.  
  
The balcony door swung open to reveal Kat's parents, dead as roadkill.  
  
"Girlish gasp! Mama Papa! Nooo!" Kat exclaimed, but she knew what to do in her heart. She couldn't stay in her house, in case the murderers came back for her (which they surely would because she's so perfect and beautiful and priceless).  
  
She packed her bags, including the billion-dollar diamond incrusted locket her mother had given her when she was born and headed to lower Manhattan to join the newsies which she instinctively knew to do.  
  
She ran blindly through the rain, but with grace, towards the building marked "Newsboys Lodging House"  
  
Kat opened the door and slipped in.  
  
"Who're you?" A voice called out to her. Kat gasped! 


	2. Poor Pie

Author's Note: Yes, yes, I didn't write the accents because I suck, it's a lot easier to talk it than type it. And sorry if it's not funny, I'm not a humor writer, people, it's the Twinkie's fault! Did you know the spell check for Crutchy is crunchy?  
  
Disclaimer: I own a newsboy cap and uh.that's it. Oh, and Kat but I still don't want her.  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
Kat whirled to look in the direction of the voice. There stood a devilishly handsome boy with dark curly hair and very nice abs.  
  
Kat stood proudly, "I'm Katarina Lolita Fandango-Winfrey De La Fleur, but you can call me Kat, Mr. Nice abs."  
  
The boy blushed, "I'm Mush," his eyes widened, "Your so beautiful!" He gasped.  
  
Kat smiled angelically. Mush was having a minor heart attack from her beauty, writhing on the ground and making noises much like a hyper chimp.  
  
A group of boys trudged down from upstairs to see what the commotion was. They all gasped simultaneously, Mush looked near death.  
  
Kat knew what to do, she pulled out a respirator from her dress pocket (um..they're big pockets..) and hooked it to Mush. He was immediately revived. Everyone cheered and patted Kat on the back even though they had no idea who she was.  
  
Jack spoke up, "Oh my god! You're so beautiful! You must stay here tonight!" Suddenly he went into a spasm from her beauty, and then Crutchy and Snipeshooter (even though he's like 9) went into spasms too, until everyone was having spasms including Kloppman.  
  
Kat did her magical thingy ('cause she's half pixie too ya know) and they were all normal again.  
  
Jack led her to the bunks, where everyone stared at her while she told her story. All the boys were in tears by the end of her tale. Kat delicately wiped away a single tear rolling down her rosy cheek.  
  
Suddenly, Jack and Mush got into a fight over Kat. Jack and Mush both wanted to ask her out.  
  
"But you got Sarah, jack!" Mush said, punching him in the eye.  
  
"Sarah Shmara! Kat is so beautiful, and smart and witty and probably better than me at selling papes that I'm dumping Sarah!" Jack retorted. Everyone gasped; Jack and Sarah were an item!  
  
Kat said in her angelic voice, "Now boys, don't fight over little old me!" She giggled.  
  
Pie eater, the only one not affected by her beauty, threw up. No one paid attention to him anyway, though.  
  
Kat's long golden curls blew gently in a breeze from uh...somewhere, her sparkling ocean blue eyes with a hint of gold in them cast a silent spell over the poor, unsuspecting newsies, capturing there hearts. She had a perfect body and was trained in Martial Arts and a special F.B.I course; she also finished high school even though she's only 14 and gone through extra intelligent college courses. Eventually, everyone managed to get to sleep, with little dancing Kats in their heads.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
At the distribution center the next morning, the newsies decided Kat needed a newsie name.  
  
"What about hot mama?" Snipes said, grinning. Everyone booed.  
  
"No, she needs an elegant, beautiful, angelic name just like herself!" Mush replied.  
  
Kid Blink, who suddenly appeared in the scene, queried, "What about EYC?"  
  
"Stop spamming!" They all yelled. Blink slunk into the background, sulking.  
  
"What about fartbag?" Pie eater mumbled. "Silly boy!" Kat giggled, shoving him 'playfully' off the platform, unfortunately for him, Crutchy's crutch was standing on the ground and impaled him. Nobody noticed though, because as usual, he was ignored.  
  
"I've got it! Jewel Angel Kat," Jack exclaimed, secretly thinking that it could be shortened to J.a.k. "Bwah ha ha!"  
  
Everyone cheered, "Great idea!" "Whoo hoo!" and "Help meeee!" from Pie Eater.  
  
The now Jewel Angel Kat clung to Jack's arm and giggled, "Teehee! No wonder you're the leader, Jackykins!"  
  
Jack grinned proudly. Mush scowled, and Pie Eater was attacked by rabid senior citizens who thought he was a discount shish kabob.  
  
Weasel sold them their papes, giving Kat 50 more than she asked for because she was so wonderful and it was, "A nice day."  
  
Kat was about to start hawking the headlines when Oscar and Morris cornered her, because they too, were madly in love with her. Jack ran to rescue her, but found Kat had already karate-chopped and dropkicked them. The mayor saw Kat's act of self-defense and gave her an award for it because she's so great.  
  
Kat easily out sold Jack, selling 300 papes in 2.5 seconds.  
  
"Let's go to Medda's." Jack suggested, giving Kat his arm (Not literally!).  
  
Everyone walked to Medda's for her evening performance.  
  
Next chapter: Spot meets Kat! Dun dun dun! 


	3. What REALLY goes on in Brooklyn?

A/N: Yaaay! Thank you Mondie and Twig for reviewing, I honestly thought everyone was going to kill me for writing this, lol. Wee! (Oh yeah, if your character's name is Kat or Jewel or whatnot, I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to offend anyone, this is just for fun) Anyway, about all that freaky Spot stuff, I just found out Gabe Damon is married so I have to take my revenge on him somehow.  
  
Disclaimer: Bah, just read the first one.  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
At Medda's that night, newsies from all over New York crowded into the seats.  
  
Backstage, Jack and Mush took Kat to meet Medda. They told Medda that Kat had amazing talent (even though they never heard her sing before..) and maybe she could get a job performing there. Medda asked Kat to sing.  
  
"Oops! I did it again! Lalalalala!" Kat sang, blowing everybody away. Her voice was like ten thousand angels ringing wind chimes.  
  
Medda immediately offered her a job as the star of her show.  
  
"Your so good, your much better than me! I've decided to resign and let you be the star now! Have fun!" Medda grabbed a suitcase out of the air and skipped off. Jack and Mush grinned.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
The newsies all yelled and cheered for Medda, waiting for her to come out on the stage. When she didn't appear they started to boo.  
  
Suddenly, the lights dimmed and Kat slinked out wearing some weird skimpy thingy, and singing a Celine Dion song. Everyone was stunned.  
  
Some newsies fell over and had love-spasms, others erupted in cheers. Kat was so much better than Medda, and younger too! "Hubba hubba!!" Yelled Les, but got shoved into the wall by Davey, who wanted her more. Denton sat sadly in the corner, doodling little hearts on David's picture.  
  
The theatre people decided Kat was so good, that they renamed Irving Hall 'Kat Hall' and replaced Medda's gigantic picture with Kat's.  
  
Pie Eater, who was saved by the author, because she's too kind hearted to let him be eaten by rabid seniors, rolled his eyes and evaporated to some unknown place (*Cough* like the author's house..)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The next morning at the distribution center, the newsies found out about the price jack up. Nobody knew what to do! Jack sat there giggling because they named the price rise a "jack up."  
  
Kat stood up and yelled, "Are we gonna let them do this to us?" which was replied with "No way!" and "Tell us what to do!" and "Will you marry me?"  
  
Kat formed a plan. They needed to gather all the newsies from around New York and start a strike. Numerous newsies took different cities to spread the word to, leaving Brooklyn left.  
  
Everyone volunteered, even though the thought of Brooklyn makes them yell Mommy, because Kat is just so wonderful that they all wanted to accompany her. Even Pulitzer showed up and offered to go to Brooklyn.  
  
"But you're the reason we have to strike, Pulitzer!" Kat said, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow.  
  
"Oh....right." Replied Pulitzer and disappeared.  
  
Kat decided to bring Jack, Boots and David with her, just to spite Mush, seeing as he'd become too confident around her lately. They crossed the Brooklyn Bridge and all that until they neared the dock.  
  
Spot was the first to spot them, he quickly turned the radio station from 'Britney Spears 24/7' to that funky Irish music, with his cane. The other Brooklyn Newsies jumped in the water to avoid Jack and co, from seeing them in their belly dancing costumes and pop star style make up.  
  
The see-through pants newsie jumped out of the water and said to Jack, "Where ya goin' Kelly?"  
  
Jack blinked and said, "You have lipstick on your teeth."  
  
"Thought Bubble: Uh oh." thought the boy and jumped back into the water.  
  
The four approached Spot who was trying to get a sparkly purple butterfly hairclip out of his hair.  
  
"Hey Spot." Jack called.  
  
Spot tugged at the clip and fell out of his perch thing. He dusted himself off and pretended nothing happened.  
  
"Ummm..hey Jack, I been hearing things from boidies. And." Spot stopped and stared just behind Jack where Kat was standing.  
  
"They said she's really.hot..and.whoa." He stammered. Kat grinned and danced up to him.  
  
"Y'know, Spot-who-doesn't-know-me, we were thinking of having a rally and we need a big, strong, macho guy like youuu to help us." She giggled.  
  
Spot fell over, frozen because of her beauty. His legs and arms were sticking up in the air like a dead fly.  
  
Kat just sighed, "It's so hard being beautiful." And picked Spot up with super-human strength, carrying him back towards Manhattan. All the Brooklyn Newsies followed behind her, drooling.  
  
  
  
NEXT- Kat and co. take on Pulitzer! 


	4. Lil' Davey Denton!

A/n: Hey I found a sticky jewel thing!! *Looks up* ...oh, um hi! Thank you to Ann Valentine for the review, I feel so loved ^_^ Anyway, uhh.where was I? -- World's smallest attention span -- Flying cupcake, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh well, read on.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Spot's purple hairclip and that's it, oh, plus Kat.  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
Back at Tibby's..  
  
Kat put the-still-frozen Spot on a nearby table, and sat in a booth with David, Les, Jack and Denton. Jack and David flung peas at each other to look cool in front of Kat.  
  
Denton got out his notes, and turned to Jack, "You're going up against the most powerful man in New York, does it make you.horny?" Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at David.  
  
Awkward silence.  
  
"Umm..no." Jack answered, shifting his eyes and looking at Kat.  
  
David blinked and turned his attention back to his peas. (A/N: I realize this part happened before they meet Spot in the movie, but I didn't think of this until now..here's a chance to stretch your imagination and pretend ^_^)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The delivery cart rushed into the World Building entrance, revealing a large group of tough, well-muscled boys. Then the whole stand off thingy happened and everybody was fighting and being big bullies.  
  
Kat easily fended off every single scabber. She easily saved all the newsies from sure death, or at least, really bad injuries.  
  
When Brooklyn arrived to save the day, they realized Kat had already done it. Spot shrugged and got out his nail filer.  
  
"And then Big Bird said he outgrew me. Psht. Whatever." Spot was telling his fellow Brooklynites, all curling each others hair, happy they didn't have to risk breaking a nail during a fight. Then Spot wondered how he got from Tibby's to the fight so quickly, and why he wasn't frozen anymore. The author shrugged, "Fan Fic magic."  
  
Kat was tending to the newsie's wounds, with her extra big value-pack of band-aids. Everyone cheered and hugged her.  
  
Kat just smiled angelically again. Sending a few newsies into more love- spasms.  
  
Denton looked through his camera, calling, "Smile Davey! I mean.. boys! And Kat!" The flash blinded Spot just as he was putting on a final coat of lipstick, sending his hand across his face, smearing lipstick all over his cheek.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Back at Tibby's.  
  
"Where's me pictcha? Where's me pichtcha?" Spot inquired. Everybody was looking for their faces in the picture, but soon realized it WASN'T one of those mosaic thingies; it was just a big picture of David's bum.  
  
Kat stormed off into the bathroom with her usually posse of newsies trailing behind her, angry that she wasn't in the picture.  
  
Denton grinned and wrote in his notes:  
  
Deer Diary,  
  
Today I tuhk a pecture of Davikins bum. Hee hee! Now it es in tha neewspaper wear the wurld can see it! Wate! I just realized I donut want uther people to see it, theey mite start to like Davey and stalk him lyke I do! No! Davey is mine!  
  
Mentuhl Note: Re-call all tha neewspapeirs.  
  
  
  
--- From the demented desk of Derby: Lol, this is sort of becoming more of a weird newsies-on-sugar-pills story instead of a Mary Sue. Oh well..I'll put more Kat in the next chapter. 


	5. Little Bo Peep lost herhair?

A/N: *Gives all her reviewers a cookie and a pair of striped socks* Thank you!! I haven't updated for a bit because my computer was being a dork and not letting me save stuff. Major Sarah bashing in this chapter. (By the way, this chapter sucks, I know) Onwards to the story! *Giggles insanely and hunches back over her computer*  
  
Disclaimer: Today, I have acquired a new item. I now own a garbage can from Ikea. Otherwise, no, just Kat.  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
"So, we should do something that's so big the other papers'll feel stupid if they try to ignore us. Like a rally. A newsie rally with all the kids from all over New York. It'll be the biggest, loudest, nosiest blowout this town's ever seen!" Kat was finishing saying.  
  
The newsies cheered and stuff, except for Jack who was disappointed that he didn't get to say his line, therefore, sat down in the corner facing the wall and cried.  
  
David grinned and exclaimed, "We'll send a message to the big boys!"  
  
"You can send a message to my big boy any day." Denton thought, not realizing he'd actually said it out loud.  
  
Everyone shifted their eyes and started tip toeing out the back door, leaving Denton standing there giggling maniacally to himself.  
  
Back at the Lodging House (Later that night):  
  
Snyder came waltzing into the Lodging House, looking for Kat.  
  
"I have reason to believe she is armed and dangerous, not to mention extremely hot and pretty and super duper cool." He explained to Kloppman.  
  
At that moment, Kat ran down the stairs, swung on a light cord, and high kicked Snyder in the chin (Whereas he later discovered a bruise on his eye). Tears welled in his eyes, and started to drip down his wobbling cheeks.  
  
"Your just a big.big.BULLY!! I'm telling Pulitzer!!!" Snyder wailed, running out the door.  
  
Kat smiled her famous smile and brushed back a glossy lock of hair. Even after a riveting high kick, Kat still looked perfect.  
  
In the bunks Jack kneeled next to Kat, "Sarah invited me for breakfast tomorrow morning, but don't worry I'm only going out of pity, and besides she's a big poo poo head." "I know I can trust you Jackykins." Kat replied, fixing her fabulous gaze into Jack's eyes.  
  
Kat kissed him softly and turned back to her bed.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sarah's snores thundered through the house and out the window like a stampede of wild baboons and pandas heading towards 25 cent-pancake day at McDonald's.  
  
Jack looked repulsed. He grabbed a long stick and poked Sarah with it through her window.  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
Sarah opened her eyes and smiled. Jack screamed.  
  
Sarah was actually bald! Her wig was hanging on David's bedpost, slowly slipping onto his face.  
  
Sarah quickly shoved a pillowcase on her head, and grinned cheesily, "I thought you knew Jack!" She opened her closet door to reveal an entire room full of wigs and little Bo Peep hats.  
  
Jack turned white and ran up the fire escape.  
  
"Sigh. There is like no hope for me! Kat is just so much prettier!" Sarah sighed, following Jack up to the roof.  
  
Up on the roof, Jack was busily boxing some socks (Striped ones, I might add!).  
  
Sarah brought up maple syrup and a box of Frosted Flakes, her wig on upside down and inside out.  
  
She noticed that a tomato was missing from the family's tomato plant; actually the entire plant was gone. So was the laundry, the clothing line, the roof, the table, the bowls, the cutlery, the tablecloth, the neighbors, the walls, the next building, her mom, her dad, and Les.  
  
Jack's pockets were dragging on the ground for some strange reason Sarah didn't quite understand.  
  
They sat at the table, which Jack produced from his left pocket, and one chair, just for him. Sarah sat on the ground, hardly able to see over the table. Sarah talked on and on while Jack stared around, looking for more things to sell on Ebay.  
  
Les stuck his head out of Jacks right pocket and asked for some maple syrup. Jack found a newspaper and whacked him with it, poking him back into his pocket.  
  
When breakfast was finally over, Sarah stood up. Frosted Flakes stuck to her face with maple syrup. She grinned again, and leaned in to kiss Jack.  
  
Jack stumbled over the edge of the roof, but was luckily caught by Kat who just happened to standing right where he landed.  
  
They kissed again, with many "oohs!" and "ahhs!" and "Come baaaackk my little wittle Davikins!!!!" Denton was in his ninja turtle printed underwear chasing David around the street, David's vision obscured by Sarah's wig, "You look so pretty in that wig my little sugar lump!" Denton yelled.  
  
Jack, Kat and the other newsies who had appeared all had a good laugh.  
  
Sarah laughed so hard (even though she had no idea what was going on) she tumbled over the edge of the roof, onto a store verandah, which broke and entangled her in it. She flapped around and started to turn blue due to the lack of air in the verandah-trap.  
  
Everyone chuckled, and got ready to sell their papes.  
  
  
  
--- From the demented desk of Derby: Sorry to any Sarah fans, it was just too good to pass up! *Sprays Sarah-B-Gone around her desk* You can never be too careful. 


	6. All in a day's woik

A/N: *Is picking her nose* AHH! Don't sneak up on me like that! *Shifty eyes* I just let my parents read this story, I forgot about the whole, "Does it make you horny?" part in chapter 4 lol. Whoops o_0 (This chapter absolutely sucks, I'm not hyper lol)  
  
Disclaimer: All right, you caught me. I'm actually Walt Disney. That's right, I write fan fics, and I'm Walt Disney. Shhh! Don't tell!  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
In Pulitzer's office, the infamous newspaper with Jack's picture was sitting on his desk. (David's bum pic was later replaced by the normal one, aside from the fact that Kat demanded to have her head enlarged in the picture.)  
  
Kat's head was circled in pink pen with devil horns and a tail. Beside it was written: Kat (a.k.a The most wonderful, super hot, incredibly talented, better-than-Jack-at-selling-papes wonder woman!)  
  
The mayor, the chief, Snyder and all the mean people blabbed on and on until finally Pulitzer said, "By the way, a few of us are getting together tonight to go look for some ladiiiiiiiiiies! Waddya say boys?" They all agreed to meet at the Pink Flamingo Disco club, Pulitzer wanting to be the one in the neon green leather pants.  
  
MEANWHILE At the Rally..  
  
Kat stood on the stage next to Spot and David, both of them drooling and having minor twitches from her beauty.  
  
"Blah blah blah fights blah blah scabbers blah blah Pulitzer blah blah." Kat went on and on, Spot never bothering to interrupt her to say his lines, just stared and reapplied his lipstick every once in awhile.  
  
They finally agreed that Kat would just go into Pulitzer's office, seduce him with her never ending beauty and punch him then lock him in a cage and convince him to lower the price back to normal. Everyone applauded, especially the Brooklyn Boys, as they generally don't like doing anything that doesn't involve eyelash curlers. They all knew Kat would save the day!!  
  
Spot and David left the stage, leaving Kat to perform 'High Times, Hard Times: The remix version'  
  
Kat suddenly appeared on the stage in an outfit that strangely resembled Nicole Kidman's in Moulin Rouge. She sang like a dove. All the newsies sighed and got out their inhalers when they started having Kat-beauty- Attacks.  
  
Blink sung, "But I always lands on my feet!" After which he fell off the rail and landed on his head. ".. Or not." Came a small voice from under the stage.  
  
The police rode on their horses towards Kat Hall, where they knew the Rally was being held.  
  
Snyder made his grand entrance, looking creepy and pedophilic as usual. He turned towards the stage where Kat was dancing with Jack and every cute newsie within a five-mile radius.  
  
His heart stopped beating momentarily, she was so beautiful! Sure, she had kicked him and been a big bully, but oh could she sing! And dance! And make Sushi! And other such honorable talents!  
  
He stopped and stared. David, being the observant young man he is, noticed this and told Spot who was drinking a very feminine looking drink with a little umbrella in it.  
  
David rushed up to Jack on the stage yelling, "It's Denton! It's Denton! How does my hair look!?" Jack kept dancing and smiling at Kat until David grabbed his jacket and said, "HOW DOES MY HAIR LOOK!? Oh yeah.Snyder's here too."  
  
The police and Snyder came rushing in, attacking random Newsies and drinking their cokes.  
  
David hopped on the swing as Snyder approached Kat, and yelled to Jack, "Push me!"  
  
Jack pushed him while David giggled, "Weeeee! Weeeeee! Weeeeee!"  
  
Snyder ignored them and went on to find Kat.  
  
Kat noticed him coming at her, so she swung from the ceiling fan, kicked him in the chin again and left him sitting on the floor crying.  
  
She back flipped out the door and slid down the banister, easily out running all the police, who had started to fall in love with her too.  
  
They chased her offering marriage proposals and anything they could find in their pockets, which were usually bits of lint and nude pictures of Denton. (He got around a lot before finding Davey.)  
  
Blink rolled out from under the stage and caught Kat at the end of the banister.  
  
"This way!" He shouted, leading her outside.  
  
An officer jumped at Kat, but Blink tried to defend her. But Kat was quicker than Blink; she karate chopped the officer into the building's brick wall.  
  
The officer slid slowly down the wall, holding up a cartoon sign reading: Ouch.  
  
Kat used her num-chucks and amazing fighting skills, not to mention stunningly good looks, to fend off every single police officer.  
  
The newsies cheered and fought over her as usual.  
  
Denton sidled up to David and handed him one of his nude pictures, then winked and pointed cheesily to the back of the picture.  
  
David flipped it over. On the back was Denton's number with the message: Wanna have fun? Give me a call! (And bring the wig!)  
  
David grinned, he was really starting to like Denton, but Kat could never leave the place in his heart.  
  
  
  
--- From the demented desk of Derby: This chapter was really terrible! Gah! Anyway, wait until I find some sugar, then I'll write the next chapter, lolness. 


	7. Uuuhhh

A/N: Lalalala! Donuts! *Giggles*  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing I tell you!  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
"All rise! Court is in session!" The Bailiff called.  
  
The newsies sat in the side booth thing, waiting for Kat to arrive.  
  
The front door swung open revealing. Kat!  
  
Suddenly, Spot jumped on the Judge's pedestal and started singing, "We Are Family" and doing the Macarena.  
  
Pretty soon, everybody joined in! Why they were doing the Macarena and singing "We Are Family" they didn't know (neither does the author) but we can assume it had something to do with Kat's beautiful presence.  
  
Denton got out his pencil, which was actually a harmonica in disguise, left over from his spy-musician days and played along.  
  
The Judge started break dancing with the bailiff, while Kat did a funky dance. A disco ball emerged from a panel in the ceiling.  
  
The music stopped and everyone sat down, stoney faced.  
  
"Hey yer honor, I object!" Spot said out of the blue.  
  
"On what grounds?" The Judge replied, lowering his glasses to his nose.  
  
"On the grounds of Middle Earth." An English accent replied.  
  
Everyone looked at Jack, who shrugged, "Pip pip, Old chaps! Wasn't me!"  
  
Suddenly a hobbit and a strangely attractive elf appeared. They brandished their swords.  
  
"Hey. that's my line! Get outta here!" Spot got out his slingshot and aimed at the hobbit and elf's groins.  
  
"EEK!" Replied the elf, running out the door followed closely by the hobbit. Screams from outside drifted into the courtroom.  
  
Kat cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"Oh yeah, Kat I order you a year in the. the. my. your gorgeous! Will you marry me? YES! MARRY MEEEE!!!!" Judge E.A. Monahan exclaimed, chasing Kat around the room.  
  
Spot bravely stepped in front of the Judge, "I'm afraid I can't let you do that! For you see, Kat is destined to marry me, because that way we can share clothes! Duh."  
  
The Judge scratched his head thoughtfully, "Hmmm. your right. She's too young for me anyway." He climbed over his pedestal and sat upside down in his seat.  
  
Kat adjusted the strap on her Old Navy tank top and sat down daintily, smiling (That's right folks!) her angelic smile.  
  
A ghost popped up from the floorboards and said, "Where are the cupcakes?" But nobody cared  
  
"Eh. well, then. just don't do it again." Monahan concluded, hanging from his feet on the ceiling fan, swinging around.  
  
Everyone's head's swiveled toward Denton who was still playing his pencil-harmonica.  
  
"Pzzz pzz pzz pz pzz pzzzzzzzz!" Denton's pencil-harmonica sang, he turned to the newsies, "That's harmonica talk for 'We have to meet at the restaurant.'" He said proudly.  
  
There was an awkward silence, before the newsies and Kat swiftly exited towards Tibby's.  
  
-----  
  
The waiter placed a plate of chicken wings piled as high as Jack (Wearing his hat, that is) in front of Denton and danced off into the kitchen.  
  
Denton sniffed the air and delicately picked up a chicken wing, his pinky curled like he was drinking tea. He grabbed a piece of duct tape from the air and taped the wing under his nose so he could forever savor the delectable scent.  
  
He inhaled deeply, and fell backwards in his chair. The smell was over- whelming.  
  
"Sooo. what are we supposed to do now, again?" David said, trying to take a chicken wing. Denton threw a chair at him and scowled, hugging his plate.  
  
"Well, we were supposed to discuss how to get Kat out of the refuge and Denton was going to bail on us, then Les was going to wrap his hot dog in the article Denton gave to David, which he rudely crumpled up, and Sarah was going to find the hot dog and stupidly ask Les what it was. And then we all sing and dance and stuff, then Kat and Denton and Jack make a newsie's banner newspaper, which was going to be distributed among us newsies, and then we go against Pulitzer, then more singing and dancing. Kat then saves the day, and she and Jack have a long romantic kiss where Jack tries to shove his tongue down her throat and then we all run out a gate and do this dance, then some random newsie is frozen on the screen in an uncomfortable dance move, most likely using a tranquilizer, and then credits roll on the screen." Specs explained, flipping rapidly through 'Newsies for Dummies'.  
  
He snapped the book shut and threw it over his shoulder.  
  
" .What was the second thing again?" David asked. Specs blinked and decided to ignore the question.  
  
"But you see, Kat defies the entire plot, therefore, none of these things can happen." Dutchy added to Specs speech.  
  
"So, now what?" David asked again, oogling Kat.  
  
"WE EAT CHICKEN WINGS!!!" Denton screamed, foaming at the mouth, chicken juices dripping down his cheeks.  
  
He took out his pencil-harmonica and shoved it down David's pants, then ran around with his camera, blinding the newsies with the flash.  
  
The only one who wasn't affected by Denton's camera flash was Kid Blink (For obvious reasons), and Kat.  
  
Kat tried to stop Denton but was whacked on the head with a pancake. She gracefully and daintily fell to the floor.  
  
This upset Blink. He turned to Denton, "You shall pay!" His eye patch began to glow and a laser beam shot out of it, hitting Denton in the forehead.  
  
Denton whipped out another chicken wing. The wing expanded into a tasty light saber. "Blink! I am your newspaper reporter!" (Cliché, cliché!) He yelled.  
  
"Um... yeah I know you are." Blink blinked (ahahaha).  
  
"Oh. Ok then." Denton replied, momentarily stunned.  
  
The two battled it out, resulting in Kat reviving herself and using her num chucks once more to defeat Denton and his evil Chicken Wingness.  
  
  
  
Everyone cheered for the 10 000th time this story and skipped off to the Lodging House.  
  
----- From the demented desk of Derby: Don't ask what the heck that was! This chapter makes no sense but I love Bob, yes I do. Yes I do. 


	8. Neener neener neener!

A/N: I'm slightly (Notice: Slightly) saner today, but only because I start school on Tuesday and it's so very depressing. Thank you reviewers! You make my life a happy shiny rainbow!  
  
Disclaimer: Nah.  
  
`*`*`*`*`  
  
"We get Kat out of the refuge tonight!" David exclaimed, raising his fist in the air.  
  
"Uh. I'm not in the refuge, davykins." Kat said sweetly, blinking rapidly.  
  
"Yes you are! And we're getting you out tonight!" David replied viciously. He tied his trusty Batman cape around his neck and strapped his cardboard jetpack to his back, "Up up and away!" He jumped out of Tibby's window, landing in a barrel and rolled down the street to his house.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Sarah sifted through her drawer of lace and wigs, searching very obviously for food. (As the only thing they eat in the Jacob's household is cake. Just cake.)  
  
She grinned widely and pulled out the hot dog, "GEE LES! WHAT'S THIS?!?!?!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!?!" She yelled, pumping the not-yet-invented hot dog up and down in the air.  
  
Les looked up from his copy of "War and Peace" and replied, "I do believe it's a hottus doggus. Also known to you commoners as hot dogs."  
  
David came crashing through the window with some bloomers and Spongebob Squarepants boxers on his head. He peeled his rubber cat woman mask off his face, and stared at the hot dog Sarah was still waving around.  
  
Suddenly, Kat appeared in the room and grabbed the hot dog, she tore the article that Sarah hadn't noticed, and read it aloud.  
  
David got upset that no one was listening to him and went onto the fire escape, slamming the window behind him.  
  
Back at Tibby's..  
  
No one seemed to notice that the story couldn't go on because Kat never actually went to the refuge, and such. But that didn't stop the hyperactive author! No siree bob!  
  
Dutchy picked up a piece of bacon and stuffed it in Pulitzer's ear, just because he could. Pulitzer poked in his ear with a fork, yelling at whoever seemed to be talking to him (A.k.a The voices *Nods knowingly*), "SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!! AAHHHH!! I forgot my deodorant! No, I will not dance with the carrots! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"  
  
Nobody paid attention to him, as they were busy watching Blink fry stuff with his laser-patch.  
  
"It slices! It dices! It even minces! That's right folks; with this handy dandy eye patch you can fry, cook, steam, roast and burn things! And it's only $12.95! And if you call now I'll even throw in this amazing crutch I found!" Blink explained, jumping around as usual.  
  
Crutchy was lying on the ground outside Tibby's waiting for Blink to return his crutch, little did he know Blink was selling it to the newsies.  
  
"I HAVE A KIWI NAMED FRED!" Pulitzer shouted, dancing around on a table.  
  
Kat burst into Tibby's, realizing that the plot COULD go on, as the price hadn't been lowered yet.  
  
She reached into her magic pockets and pulled out a spork, she wielded the oh-so-dangerous spork, moving towards Pulitzer.  
  
Pulitzer grabbed the basket of fruit on the counter and hid under it.  
  
For the plot's sake, Kat decided to take pity on Pulitzer and leave him cowering, that way the story go on longer because the author will have a twitchy spasm if this story stops before ten chapters.  
  
Pulitzer grabbed his fruit basket and ran out of Tibby's, crying and juggling kiwis.  
  
"You understand me, don't you Fred?" He lovingly stroked a kiwi, smiling down at it. The kiwi remained blank, scared to reply.  
  
Pulitzer threw Fred at Jack who was running by. "I don't need you! I don't need anybody! HAHAHAH take that!" He shouted at squished Fred.  
  
---  
  
Jack ran into Tibby's wearing a new black silk Gucci suit and shoes complete with white spats.  
  
Everyone stared at him.  
  
"You yuppy!" Race shouted, suddenly appearing in overalls and a straw hat, with a few missing teeth and a hillbilly accent.  
  
Jake looked down sheepishly at his own overalls and slipped into the bathroom.  
  
"I'll buy your eye patch, Blink!" Boots shouted, thinking he might look cooler with it. No one seemed to notice how sporadic the conversation was.  
  
Blink removed his eye patch. Everyone gasped!!!  
  
His eye was. was. was. was. was. was. was... "WASSSUPPP!" Denton shouted, coming into the picture. Everyone ignored him, that was sooo 1898.  
  
Was. was. was. Kat got ready to throw a plate, but Sarah grabbed it first and exclaimed, "I'VE GOT THE PLATES!" and chucked it towards the author.  
  
Uhh. Oh right, the story.  
  
Blink's eye was. Normal!  
  
The newsies ran around in circles, screaming. They had expected his eye to be pink, or missing or an acorn, but not normal! They didn't know what to do when something was normal.  
  
Eventually, they settled down and turned back to Jack. They eyed his clothes with suspicion.  
  
"Did you buy that on sale?!" Spot asked, flying down from the ceiling fan, his parachute expanded, covering the entire restaurant.  
  
Bumlets punched Spot because he was starting to get annoyed with everyone stealing his fan trick.  
  
Weasel popped his head in the door; "Actually, he got it at Wal - Mart! Great deal!" and disappeared.  
  
"Actually, I got it on Ebay, I made enough money from all the stuff I stole from the Jacob's that I can now afford a mansion big enough to rival Kat's!" Jack replied, dusting an imaginary piece of lint off his shoulder.  
  
----  
  
Mr. and Mrs.Jacobs waited silently in the donkey cart in Micronesia, Jack had sold on Ebay, landing them here.  
  
"Do you think they have cake here?" Mrs.Jacobs whispered. ----  
  
Kat gasped, Jack? Rival? Her? Mansion? She whacked him with an omelette and stomped out the door, deciding she didn't want to help the newsies if Jack was going to try and out do her.  
  
The newsies followed her as usual, except for Denton and David who were giggling over something.  
  
Spot found a fondue stick and poked them with it, then left.  
  
Pulitzer boinged into Tibby's and pulled the light cord, putting his finger to his lips.  
  
"Shhh!"  
  
He locked the door and ran back to his office, giggling.  
  
Denton and David looked at the door and blinked.  
  
"Oh hurrah! Now I can have chicken wings all night!" Denton yelled, going into the chicken to find some kitchen.  
  
David sighed and sadly left through the window, his heart broken that Denton chose chicken wings over him.  
  
---- From the demented Desk of Derby: Forget my note earlier, I'm not sane. I'm listening to opera and doing an Irish dance while eating marshmallows! *Passes out*  
  
Evil Chicken Wing: Mwah ha ha! Now I can take over the story!  
  
Derby: *Whacks wing with a fly swatter and snores*  
  
ECW: Ow. 


	9. Note: You knew it was coming

Big long, speelish Author's Note: I'm still alive! Really I am! I haven't updated anything for a while yet because I'm getting my room re- decorated and all my furniture has been moved out of there, therefore, my computer is gone. So I'm using my mum's. Anyway, this story is going to be on temporary 'rest' for a while because frankly, it's lost its humor. School is somewhat over-whelming at the moment, and I just don't like this story any more. So, until I regain some humor, this story won't be updated. For now. (Other stories will updated by Sunday, due to the fact I still don't have my computer back because the guy who's installing my floor didn't come the day he was supposed to.. so yeah.)  
  
  
  
~Derby 


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